


weak

by the5throommate



Category: Pacific Rim
Genre: Angst, Gen, M/M, hello naughty children it's depression time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-19
Updated: 2018-04-19
Packaged: 2019-04-24 23:46:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14366325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the5throommate/pseuds/the5throommate
Summary: "How many people did I kill?"





	weak

**Author's Note:**

> based on this comic: https://twitter.com/KaijuFerio/status/982667683031216128

"I'm going crazy in here, man, I know it." 

 

"No," Hermann responded. "You're going sane. That's the point, you're here to get better. You're getting better." 

 

"Getting better fucking sucks," Newt said. 

 

Hermann let out a small laugh, watching as Newton finished off the rest of his lunch. He was shoveling the stew into his mouth like it was the last meal he would get for months. It used to disgust Hermann, the way he ate, but now he found himself watching fondly as the old Newton began to rebuild himself from ruin. Had it not been for the fact that the room they were in was a bare, stark-white and windowless holding cell and that Newt's left hand remained cuffed to the table, it would have been an ideal Sunday afternoon. Hermann found himself covering Newton's cuffed hand with his own, rubbing small, comforting circles onto an inked wrist with his thumb.

 

This was the most physical contact they were allowed to have with one another, an arm's length apart, no exceptions. 

 

( _"They want us to leave some room for Jesus!" Newton had said._ ) 

 

They both hated that rule. 

 

"You know, dude, I'm like 80% sure the stuff in that stew wasn't real meat." 

 

"I'm 80% sure they've never served us real anything in all the years we've been here." 

 

Newton let out a laugh as he shoved away his empty plate. "When I get out of here, dude," he said. "Dinner. Me and you. Real meat, veggies that don't come from a dusty old can! All on me, I'm paying." 

 

Hermann raised an eyebrow. "You still have money?" he asked with a grin. 

 

"Huh. Don't know, actually. We can find out when the check comes."  

 

"And when they inevitably call the police?"

 

"I tell them rock stars who saved the world should be allowed at least one free dinner." 

 

Their fit of giggles was interrupted by the static crackle of the ancient speaker system. "This is your five minute warning, boys," a distorted voice announced. 

 

Newton swore under his breath, "Fuck the time limits." 

 

Hermann gripped his hand tighter. "I'll be back Tuesday evening, it's not that long." 

 

"It is when you're trapped alone in this stupid fucking cell!" snapped Newt. "There are no windows, no clocks. I don't even have shit to read! The doctors that check up on me, they still look at me like I'm an animal, like I'll rip out their throats if they get too close." With his free hand Newt wiped away tears and sniffled. "Fuck," he muttered. 

 

Hermann now grasped Newt's cuffed hand with both of his, pulling it upwards to place a soft kiss on his knuckles. "It's almost over. This is almost over, my dear, I promise you." 

 

After a moment of silence, Newt spoke again, his voice heavy from crying. "Hermann," he said slowly. "I've been thinking."

 

"About?"

 

"A really important question," he said, again wiping his eyes. "And I need you to tell me the truth. Promise?"

 

Hermann felt his stomach twist in knots. Newton's expression told him whatever it was couldn't be good. 

 

"Hermann," he said again, turning in his seat to face him head on. "Promise me."

 

Hermann swallowed a lump in his throat. "I promise." 

 

"How many people did I kill?"

 

He felt as though a hard punch to the gut had driven all the air from his body. His chest tightened. He couldn't tell if his heart was beating too fast or not at all. 

 

"Hermann?"

 

He could see the number in his mind. His mouth was open but nothing dared come out. 

 

"Hermann," Newt said, now gripping the other's wrists with both hands, squeezing so hard his knuckled turned white, nails digging into skin. "Hermann, you promised."

 

He was frozen in place, unable to move or speak. He couldn't look Newton in the eye.

 

" _Hermann, you fucking promised me!_ " 

 

The number in Hermann's mind began to move, forcing itself upwards through his throat, past his lips. 

 

The grip on Hermann's wrists loosened. The number hung still in the air around them, ringing in their ears, sending vibrations down into their bones. In that moment Hermann prayed for a third apocalypse.

 

He forced himself to look up and look Newt in the eye. He was met with nothing but a vacant, empty stare, eyes glazed over, looking at something no one else could see. Tears fell silently down his cheeks. Hermann realized he was crying now too. 

 

And then, Hermann's prayers were answered. 

 

Newt screamed. He screamed and cried and wailed in a way that made it seem as though the universe was tearing apart at the seams. The speaker system crackled and the lights flickered. Before he even realized what he was doing Hermann pulled him into his arms and held on as if life depended on him doing so. 

 

In some way it did. 

 

Hermann held him tight as he continued to wail. He tucked Newton's head under his chin, stroking his hair, kissing the top of his head. 

 

"It's okay," Hermann whispered, as screams turned into sobs and cries into wimpers. "It's okay it's okay it's okay. It's over. Please understand. It's okay and it's over and it wasn't your fault. And I love you. Newton Geiszler, I love you so much."  

 

"Newton.....Geiszler......" said a voice. Newton began to laugh. The thing that stole his face began to laugh. It brought Newton's lips to Hermann's ear, breathing Newton's hot breath down his neck.  

 

"Newton Geiszler," it hissed, "wasn't strong enough." 

 

It brought Newt's hand to Hermann's neck. It wrapped Newt's fingers around Hermann's throat. 

 

"Newton Geiszler," it said. "Was. Too. _Weak_."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> it's amazing what you can do during a manic episode at 3am when you have a 10 page research paper due in a week
> 
> check me out over on twitter @the5throommate!!! 
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u-Tof6hhSzU


End file.
